Faut comprendre l'anglais, évidemment.

When I came into this world (of Warcraft), I was innocent and unspoiled. I made some friends in Northshire Abbey. Rogue and Mage were their names. We had so much fun killing wolves and kobolds. Rogue would stab. Mage would nuke. I would Smite. Good times. We got a house together just outside Goldshire. It seemed kind of weird for three friends to live together, but we were poor and the house was cozy with a bedroom for each of us. We loved that house.

It wasn't until about level 5 or so when I noticed I wasn't the same as Rogue or Mage. My spells weren't doing nearly as much damage as Mage's Fireball or Rogue's Eviscerate. And I also noticed these odd spells in my spellbook that made health go up, not down. How am I supposed to kill monsters with those? I decided to keep these strange spells a secret. Rogue and Mage had certainly noticed that I was... different... but revealing this "Lesser Heal" spell to them would remove all doubt.

One day the three of us were playing together in Elwynn forest when we noticed a sign. A reward of silver AND a green item for the paw of a gnoll called "Hogger"? Wow! We'd be the most famous heroes in Goldshire if we took him down, we thought. We stocked up on Minor Healing Potions and set off. Many of the gnolls surrounding the camp were no match for our stabs, nukes, and Smites. By now it was painfully obvious that I was not developping the same as Rogue and Mage. They were becoming real men. My Smite was laughable. I felt like a little boy. We then came across Hogger. He looked tough. I casted Power Word: Fortitude on everyone and we prepare ourselve for the toughest fight of our lives. Rogue snuck up behind Hogger and stabbed. Hogger shrugged the blow off like a fly and started wailing on Rogue. Me and Mage casted spells with all our might, but Rogue's health was falling much faster than Hogger's.

"Oh noes!!1" he said "I r dying! Bury m3 bak @ teh Abbey, firends!"

Mage had tears in his eyes. Our childhood friend Rogue was about to be cut down. I couldn't keep it a secret anymore. I knew what I had to do. I opened up my spellbook and casted Lesser Heal just in time to save Rogue.

"OMG! I r alive! Wut happent?"

"It was Priest..." said Mage in disbelief, "he... he healed you."

I stared at my feet shamefully. Now they knew the truth.

"N0 wunder his Smite sux so mutch. He r sposed to healz us while WE do leet DPS lol."

"Haha! Hear that, Priest? You heal us while we fight for you!" Mage mocked me.

"I... I can still Smite. And... I hear I can learn a swell spell called Holy Fi..."

"LMFAO ok tehn. U keep doign ur Smite! lol, let m3 no when U crit 76 dmg liek me!"

They made fun of me all the way home. I was awake all night, hoping that one day my Smite would develop into a real spell and I could DPS like Rogue and Mage. I wished we could go back to things like they were at the Abbey. I dozed off into an uneasy sleep. The next morning I awoke hoping that Mage and Rogue had forgotten everything that had happened the previous day.

"Morning, Healer!" said Mage with a sneer.

"Don't call me that!" I yelled

"lolz, haeler!" Rogue taunted.

I decided to ignore them. "So what are we doing today?"

"There's a misbehaving boar down at the pumpkin patch. If we kill it, we can get phat lewtz."

So we got dressed and headed down to Brackwell Pumpkin Patch. Princess wasn't alone. She had two porcine entourages. Suddenly what seemed like a small chore was now a tough battle. We approached cautiously. Mage polymorphed one of the entourages and we started attacking Princess. I commenced Smiting.

"What are you doing? Don't waste your mana!" Mage shouted at me in between Fireballs.

"But... my Smite..."

"LOLSMITE! Shut up and heal, n00b!" cried Rogue.

Those were the first time I heard those words. It hurt, and it would never stop hurting. Those five words would cut deeper and deeper every time. The pain would never numb. Shut up and heal, n00b! Shut up and heal, n00b! Shut up and heal, n00b! I would hear those words many, many more times.

Rogue and Mage managed to down Princess and here bodyguards quite easily while I sat back and healed them periodically. When it was all over, Rogue knelt down and looted the corpse.

"OMG phat lewtz! [Ragged Tunic of Spirit]"

"Can I need?!" I asked desperately.

"Ha! No way, healer. I want that. What did you do to help kill the boar?" said Mage

"Don't call me healer! Anyways, can't we both roll need?"

"Umm... no. I think I'll take it. What are you going to do? Heal me to death? Hahaha!"

"ROFL!" laughed Rogue

I don't know how it happened, but within a matter of weeks, I went from being one of their equals to their slave. They wouldn't let me have fun. They made me take Smite off my action bar. I was to watch them have fun and make sure they never fell below 75% health. It was like this all the way to level 70. I was never allowed out on my own ("LOL, how cn u solo without us thar to kill teh mobs 4 u?". I had always thought about it, but I couldn't run away. Rogue and Mage were the only friends I knew. I did, believe it or not, still consider them friends. But one day after almost letting Rogue die on a boss fight in Scarlet Monestary, he hit me. I thought I saw a look of regret flash across his face immediately after he did it, but when he saw me cry, he laughed: "Shut up and heal, n00b!"

That night I tried to sneak out. Just as I was about to reach the front door, a floorboard under my feet creaked. Rogue and Mage both bursted out of their rooms.

"Where are you going, healer?!"

"Ur not trying to run awy, r u?"

My black eye stung at the sound of rogue's remorseless voice. "No... I'm going to Stormwind City."

"At this time of night? What for?"

"I... I need some more Holy Candles. I'm almost out..." I squeaked.

"LOL. K, n00b. I gues u need those 2 buff us lolz."

I walked to the Cathedral of Light, like I always do when I need more candles. But this time I walked right past the reagent vendor and up to the priest trainer.

"Good evening, child. Are you here to learn the next rank of Renew?" he said

"No," I whispered, "I'm here to... to respec to Shadow."

"I NEW IT!!!1" yelled Rogue as he shifted out of Stealth

"Rogue!" I cried, startled.

"I NEW u werent buyin candles, n00b! ur not respecking 2 nething!" He grabbed my hair and pulled me all the way back home to Goldshire, ignoring my cries of pain. The next morning, Rogue and Mage put bars on my windows and a lock on my bedroom door. They would poke conjured bread and milk through the flap in the door twice a day. They'd only let me out when they needed me to heal them in instances. I cried all day and all night.

Sometimes they'd hit me. I used to put my bubble on, but then they'd just hit me harder until it broke. Now I just let them do it. I cry sometimes, but that just makes them hit harder. This one time I accidently broke one of Mage's sheeps with Holy Nova. I tried to explain that it's a heal spell, but they didn't believe me. Mage beat me for 45 minutes. Even Rogue told Mage to stop, but he wouldn't until all my gear was red.

I hurt myself sometimes. It started as one Shadow Word: Death here and there. Only a sliver of my health. Then some nights I would SW myself down to half, or one quarter health. There were dozens of times when I sat there with only 50 health left. One more SW would have done it. But I just couldn't. I am a coward.

I don't know why it ended up like this. It seems like I was born to be a slave to Rogue and Mage. There was nothing I could do about it. Please save me. I don't want to be a healer. It's too late now. I can't start over. I'm stuck where I am. It wasn't always like this. I swear I was a happy Priest at one time.

The end